


Overwatch Shitposts

by Cryptid1



Category: Overwatch (Video Game)
Genre: F/F, F/M, Fluff, For the most part, Implied Sexual Content, M/M, Multi, Not Serious, Parody, Pharah & McCree being nerds, Polyamory, References galore, gayness & bisexuality incoming, really weird, shitpost
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-07-18
Updated: 2016-08-06
Packaged: 2018-07-24 20:51:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 4,502
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7522696
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cryptid1/pseuds/Cryptid1
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Just random Overwatch shitposts I think up of.<br/>(These are shitposts, my other stories are much better, I think so at least :p)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The One with the Turkey

**Author's Note:**

  * For [zerotransfat](https://archiveofourown.org/users/zerotransfat/gifts).
  * Inspired by [it's like an episode of friends only with more robots](https://archiveofourown.org/works/7500642) by [zerotransfat](https://archiveofourown.org/users/zerotransfat/pseuds/zerotransfat). 



"Oh-ho, I'm a little bird, I'm happy  _all_ the time." Hanzo grumbled angrily at the yellow bird outside the window. He was just being his grumpy, angsty self, really. Just then, there was a knocking at the door of his quarters. With a grumble, he sat up off his bed and went over, opening the door. Standing there was Jesse McCree with a whole raw turkey over his head. Obviously this was some weak attempt at cheering him up.

"Nice try."

"Now hold on a sec." Jesse said as he took his hat, which he affectionately called Bessie, and put it on top of the turkey.

"Look, McCree-"

"W _aa_ it." Jesse then pulled out  the British girl's famiiar goggles, stretching the strap back around the turkey, doing jazz hands after he did so.

"Jesse, this is  **not** going to work." he grumbled, about ready to just slam the door in his face.

"I bet'cha this'll work." he said as he then started to do some kind of strange dance, shaking his entire body and clicking his fingers as he slowly walked forward. Hanzo did end up laughing a little, and then laughing a little more as the taller man turned around and started shaking his butt around as well.

"You are really great I love you." Hanzo said, realizing his grave mistake a split second later.

Jesse stopped doing his little dance, turning around slowly to face the direction of Hanzo's voice. He just kinda stood there in shock for a few moments.

" _What_ _?_ "

"Uh, n-nothing I just said you were great and then nothing else!" he exclaimed, trying to cover up his slip.

"You- you said you love me I can't believe this!" Jesse said, slowly moving closer to Hanzo.

"I said no such thing!"

"....Yes you diiid" Jesse said, in a somewhat teasing yet still surprised tone as he pointed at Hanzo.

"I did not!!"

"...You  _love me_ _!_ " Jesse finally yelled out.

"No I do not!! Stop it stop it stop it!" Hanzo said, hopping around to the right side of McCree. Although, Jesse thought he had gone around right behind him, causing him to turn and face the door.

"Oi, Jesse luv," Lena said as she approached the doorway, "why did you need my go-aaAAAH AAAH AH AAAAHAHAHAAAA _!!!!_ "

Lena ran off as she screamed, blinking all over the hallway as she fled in pure fear of whatever the bloody hell she just saw.

"Nice going, Jesse."

"Well, I don't know about you  _lover boy_ but I-"

"Out. Now." Hanzo interrupted as he shoved Jesse out of the doorway and was closing it before Jesse put his arm in the way.

"But did it work?"

Hanzo glared at Jesse in silence for a few moments, before letting a small smile make it's way onto his lips.

"Yes actually, it did. Now go, please." Hanzo finished as he finally closed the door on Jesse.

Truth be told, he did feel a bit better. but, he wasn't sure how he would handle his next meeting with the cowboy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Based on this https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f2wsZPQZAmk


	2. The One with the OH...OOOHOH

Genji walked into the kitchen/dining area of the base, holding some grocery bags before setting them down on the table.

"Howdy, ninja." Jesse said as he got up from the barstool he was lounging in.

"Oh, good afternoon McCree."

"Yep, sure is. By the way, that hotel we stayed at in Numbani called. Said they found an eyelash curler in yer room." he said, a questioning yet smug look on his face.

"...yes that was mine."

"Oh um, okay? I was thinking ya hooked up with a lil' lady and she left it there."

"...yes _that_ would have made more sense. But still, it was mine." he said simply as he nodded. However, Jesse wasn't buying it.

"Er, okay then partner. Ya know, it's really no big deal talking 'bout it but I'll respect yer privacy." Jesse said with a grin as he headed out.

Meanwhile, Genji sighed in relief as he went about unpacking the groceries.

 

* * * Later that evening * * *

 

Several of the Overwatch members were hanging out in the large living room area, just lounging about. McCree was sitting back in one of the armchairs, Genji and Mei were sitting back on the couch watching TV, Hana sat next to the them as she was playing something on her PSP while Lúcio watched, and Lena sat on top of the couch back as she shifted around in her handbag.

"Oi Mei, can I borrow your eyelash curler, luv? I think I lost mine."

"Oh sure, lemme just get it out-."

McCree's eyes opened as wide as possible and his jaw dropped as a huge lightbulb went off in his head, looking back and forth between Genji and Lena and pointing his finger at whoever he looked at.

"OH!" he exclaimed as his direction was turned towards Lena, everyone looking at him in confusion. Besides Genji that is, who seemed to be glaring at him behind his mask.

"OOHHO! OH, OOO!! HOOOHO!!" he kept yelling, turning his attention back and forth between the two each time he yelled out.

"McCree can I speak with you for a second?" he said quickly as he pulled Jesse up from the chair and started pushing him out of the room, subtly motioning at Lena to follow him while McCree kept pointing and yelling while being pushed away. As Lena blinked after them, Mei, Hana and Lúcio just sat there, staring at each other in confusion.

Genji managed to push McCree into a small supply closet, holding his hand over McCree's mouth as Lena closed the door behind them. After McCree started to finally stop, Genji slowly pulled his hand away and let go of him.

"Yes," he said simply and straightforwardly," yes..."

After being let go, McCree slouched up against the wall, staring straight at the two.

"Y-you?... an-and  _you_??" he quietly exclaimed.

"Yes but you can't tell anyone luv, nobody knows." Lena said.

"B-but how? When?"

"It... it happened in Hanamura."

"IN _HANAMURA-_ " Jesse yelled before Genji and Lena silenced him by exclaiming random gibber-gabber while holding he back before he started getting up.

"Look, the reason we didn't tell anyone is because we don't want to make it a big deal."

"But it  _is_ a big deal! Oh, oh I've gotta tell someo-" Jesse began as he got up and started walking.

"Nonononoonono!" Genji and Lena both sputtered out as they pushed him back.

"You can't tell anyone, please."

"Please please  _pleease_ don't tell, we don't wanna deal with telling everyone now okay luv?" Lena said as she made a begging gesture with her hands, Genji making a simliar gesture.

"Well... alrighty then." Jesse finally said after several quiet moments of looking back and forth between the two, Genji and Lena sighing in relief.

"Wow.. I-I just can't believe this. I mean i-it's great, but yeah." Jesse said, still looking back and forth between the two and noticing the smile creeping up on Lena's lips.

"Yeah, it is great." Lena giggled as she jumped up onto Genji. Jesse chuckled at the two, but then she pulled off Genji's mask and the two started kissing passionately.

"Aw c'mon y'all I don't wanna see that." he groaned. Noting that the two were still distracted, he went ahead and got out of the closet.

' _Oh boy, this's something else_.' he thought as he lit up a cigar and headed off to his quarters. The past several minutes had left him emotionally exhausted, and he honestly just had enough for one day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Based on this https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v44x7SFm3Eo (spoilers for 'Friends')


	3. The One with Pharah & McCree Freaking Out About a Tiger

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hey, a shitpost that isn't a direct reference to something :p (Well, the title technically is... but still)  
> Spoilers for The Walking Dead S7 Trailer & The Walking Dead in general if you haven't seen it and plan to, I'm so hyped for this season and I just got back from vacation yesterday so I desperately needed to write something. Hope y'all like it :)
> 
> (Speaking of which, I've got some plans for a HUGE story coming up, and in a style that I have not really yet shown in my work so far. Not gonna give away much, but the rating's definately gonna be Mature, maybe even Explicit! It's probably going to be a while before I start putting it up, but be hyped if you wish so ;p)  
> (EDIT: It's here! Go check out my new story, "We're All Survivors Now" if you wish :D )

Angela was lounging back on the couch, watching her crime shows when she heard Fareeha's screams approaching quickly from outside the commons room. Within moments, Fareeha ran into the room, screaming as she pounched onto her girlfriend, sending them both onto the floor.

"Baaaaabe-omigosh-omigosh-omigosh-"

"What??? Is someone hurt????" Angela said, panic in her voice.

"What, no."

"Then what the hell are you screaming about??"

 "I just saw it! I saw it!"

"Saw _what???_ "

" **THE SEASON 7 TRAILER FOR THE MOTHER _FUCKING_ WALKING DEAD!!!1!!1!!!** " Pharah yelled out, followed by a squeel like the one a teenage girl would make.  ~~(yes those 1s were intentional)~~

 _'Oh boy, here we go..'_ Angela thought. While she could understand and respect her girlfriend's somewhat obsessive love of the post-apocalypse drama, Angela had never been able to get in on the bandwagon herself.

"What in tarnation is going on? Was there an accident?" Jesse said as he came out into the commons room, rubbing his ear.

 _'Oh no, not you too....'_ Angela thought, remembering right then that there was someone else who shared Fareeha's love for the show.

"McCree! Season. Seven. **TRAILER**." Fareeha said, finally getting up off of Angela.

Jesse stood there in silence for a few moments, just staring blankly at Fareeha.

"Um, McCree, are you okay?" Angela said.

A few seconds later, McCree took off his poncho, flipping it over to reveal a different pattern that was tan with many red, black, orange, and brown designs on it. Then, he took off his bronze chestplate, revealing a shirt that said "If Daryl Dies We Riot" on it.

"Show me it....  **NOW**."

"Dude, you are  _not_ going to believe this. It's in-freaking-sane and awesome!" Fareeha said as she took Angela's laptop and pulled up the video of [the trailer](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SmUz88zoIg0) on Youtube, Jesse jumping over the back of the couch and sitting down next to her.

 

* * * Three minutes and six seconds later * * *

 

"Th-there's a..... THERE IS A _FUCKING_ TIGER." Jesse exclaimed.

"I  **know** , this is freaking crazy."

"Oh man this season's gonna be awesome. But oh _god_  the premiere's gonna suck. It's gonna be awesome, but it's gonna suck because someone's gonna die." Jesse said, laughing at the last bit.

Jesse and Fareeha went on rambling about the new season and their hopes and predictions for it. Meanwhile, Angela and Hanzo were just watching this scene of pure nerdiness playing out across from them. After watching this play out for a while, Hanzo grabbed the remote control, opened up Netflix and pulled up The Walking Dead, selecting S1E1, "Days Gone Bye".

"Oh come on, not you too." Angela said.

"It's all they're going to be talking about for the next few months, so we might as well just get it over with now." Hanzo simply said.

Angela was about to say something, but then stopped to think and after a few moments shrugged and sat back on the couch, ready to see if she could get behind the whole thing  _this_ time...

(Spoiler alert, the four of the spent all night watching seasons 1 and 2. Many tears were shed from Angela, along with a few manly tears from Hanzo.)


	4. The One with the Apartment

Mako was just walking into the apartment that he shared with Jamie, walking through the door and throwing the keys onto the table. Except, the keys didn't make the usual sound they did. Instead, they made a sound like they were hitting the hardwood floor. Roadhog looked down, and sure enough the keys were laying on the floor. He then looked up and actually looked at his apartment, jumping back in surprise as he took in the surroundings

Everything was gone.  _EVERYTHING_. That is, except for the refrigerator (which was emptied out) and that stupid entertainment unit Junkrat had built out of scrap metal, which they had been trying to sell for the past week. He could also hear "[Land Down Under](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6xrqtunBgnk)" playing somewhere.

" **Holy _SHIT_** **.** " Roadhog roared out in shock.

"What?" Junkrat's muffled voice called out from inside the unit's cabinet, which was tied shut with a bunch of wires. Roadhog grunted in anger as he headed to his roommate's aid.

"Are you alroight?"

"Yeah..." Junkrat said. Roadhog took out his chain hook and sliced through the wires with ease. He yanked open the cabinet doors, and there was Junkrat, holding a boombox playing the song he heard before.

"What  _happened_??" Roadhog exclaimed as he yanked Junkrat out.

"Whaddya mean- oh...  _dammit_ , she promised they wouldn' take tha couch!" Junkrat exclaimed, setting the boombox down on the floor as he placed his hands on his hips and looked around the empty room.

"What tha  **fuck** happened how the hell were ya locked in there n'  _ **where tha fuck is all our stuff**?!?!_  N' turn that off! _"_ Roadhog roared out, prompting Junkrat to quickly switch off the boombox before explaining himself.

"Well, ya see-"

 

_*Flashback waves*_

* * * 4 hours ago * * *

 

"Yea, I got in there myself once." Junkrat said to the weird woman who was completely wrapped in a black cloak. Hell, he wouldn't have known what she was if it weren't for her Mexican-accented voice.

_"Oh really?"_

"Yeah, I bet mah roomate $5 I couldn' fit in there. And then, he goes 'n locks me in there."

_"Hm... nah, you couldn't fit in there. It's definitely not deep enough."_

"Oi, just watch me. N' if I  _can't,_  I'll knock 5$ off the price. Deal?"

"Deal." ~~Sombra~~  the shadowy lady said.

With that, Junkrat began squeezing his way into the cabinet, taking the boombox that was already in there and fitting it onto his lap as he closed the door behind him.

The woman then quickly grabbed some wires, tying them around the handles as she then began rushing around, grabbing as much as she could before hurrying out the door.

"Ya know, sometimes I just like ta sit in here. Get myself outta the fresh air!"

She came back, this time with  ~~Reaper~~  a friend. They coming back and forth, grabbing stuff and taking it before coming back for more while Junkrat obliviously chattered away.

"Hm, wonder what's in 'ere?" Junkrat said as he switched on the boombox.

" _Oooh_ , I love this song!" he exclaimed as he began singing along.

 

* * * Right now * * *

_*Flashback waves*_

 

"So wait, ya got in there _voluntarily_?? Not to mention ya've been sitting in there, listening to tha same song for **four** **hours** **?!?** "

"Oi! I was tryin' ta make a sale! And that song's practically Australia's national anthem! Oh boy, when I find those two. Ya know what I'm gonna do when I find 'em??"

"I dunno  **BEND OVER????** " Roadhog exclaimed, Junkrat leaning back in surprise and insult.

"Ya better know how ta fix this, Jamison!"

"Oi, whaddya want me ta do?? Wait... I got it! We'll call tha blue heelers!"

"May I remind you that we are **public enemies**  one and two??"

"Oh, roight. Hm... alroight, let's ask that Brit sheila, Tracer. She lives roight downstairs."

"Ughh.... fine, whatever."

 

* * * A few minutes later * * *

 

"Oi, open up!" Junkrat knocked on the door.

They waited for a few minutes, but no response.

"Hello?? Anyone in there?" he rapidly knocked the door. Once again, they waited a couple minutes. And once again, nothing.

"I think I hear stuff moving around." Roadhog said, pressing his ear up against the door.

"Wait a minute.... *gasp*, they're robbin' her now!! We're gonna get ya wankers!!" Junkrat exclaimed, pulling his RIP-Tire off and revving it up.

"FIRE IN THE HOLE!!" Junkrat yelled as he let the tire go, said tire knocking over the door instantly. And then, Junkrat and Roadhog looked in and saw something they thought they would  _never_ see, much less think about seeing.

They saw Tracer, Genji, and Widowmaker all in their pajamas (except Genji, he doesn't really wear clothes after all) on the couch. Genji was laying on his back, Lena laying on her stomach on top of him and Amelie was huddled up next to them, back up against the couch. All three of them yelled and jumped up in surprise as the tire came crashing through the door. Luckily, it simply fell apart rather than blowing up.

Once they saw Jamie and Mako standing right outside the door, all three of them were too shocked to even move.

"Um...." Junkrat and Roadhog muttered simultaneously, eyes wide open as they stared at the three of them.

"Uhh, hiya luvs." Lena said as she smiled nervously, Widowmaker's face was emotionless besides her wide-open eyes, and Genji's riggid posture suggested that he had a very nervous look on his face behind that mask.

"I...I uh...what?"

"Zis.. zis is  _not_ what it looks like."

"Oh really? I think it's exactly that." Roadhog said.

"So...wait wait  _what_?" Junkrat exclaimed.

Suddenly, McCree walked by and couldn't help but look over. When he did, his jaw completely dropped down and his eyes opened as wide as physically possible.

"WhhaaaaaaaaaaaaaaAAAAA-" Jesse started screaming before Lena blinked over and put her hand over his mouth.

"Not again..." Genji grumbled into his hands as he and Amelie stood up.

"Welp, looks like we're having this talk again, c'mon luv." Lena said, Jesse still screaming into her hand as she and Genji led him into another room.

"Zis. Did  **not** happen." Widowmaker said, glaring daggers at the two as she propped the door back up and put duct tape over the holes made by the RIP-Tire's spikes. Now, Junkrat and Roadhog were just staring, not sure what to make out of what they saw.

"Roight, that never happened. Let's get outta here." Junkrat said in a voice suggesting that he had been psychologically kicked in his "gears".

 

* * * A couple minutes later * * *

 

"Look, it's not  _that_ bad, Roadie. We can always just steal some more ya know."

"Can we just, not talk about this right now?" Roadie said, reaching for his keys. But before he could even put the keys in the door, it opened up. And standing right there was Soldier: 76.

"Oi, whaddya doin' in our house-"

"You're welcome." he said simply before walking out and down the hall. Stepping inside, the two Aussies found that everything in their apartment was back where is should be.

"Struth! Tha ol' man got all our junk back!"

"...you're still a galah, ya know that Rat?"

"Pah, let's just forget 'bout that, mate. How 'bout a cold one?"

"..yeah, fine. I need it." Mako said, planting himself down on the sofa, Jamison coming over with two cans of Victoria Bitter, handing one to his bodyguard/best pal as he sat down next to him.

And so they sat there for the rest of the evening, drinking their beer and watching old reruns of "Friends".

They also both also agreed that **[** **REDACTED]** never happened, it was probably for the best after all.

 

([Roll Credits ~~or something idk~~](https://youtu.be/6xrqtunBgnk?t=2m15s))

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mostly inspired by this https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3eURLMXuo0w
> 
> (And yes, despite what Widowmaker says, that did indeed happen. Ladies and gentlemen, I give you the most ass-tastic ship in Overwatch)


	5. The One with the Apartment: Genjidowtracer Version

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wondering what was going on in Tracer's apartment/flat during the events of the last story? Well too bad if you weren't, cause I wrote it anyways.  
> (I guess that this is also the 1k celebration chapter??)  
> (DISCLAIMER: It's pretty fucken weird)

"Are ze people upstairs still playing zat song?" Amelie said, sitting on the kitchen counter while she sipped on her tea.

"Lemme check." Lena said as she stood up on top of the couch, trying desperately to press her ear against the ceiling.

"Um, I can't quite- oi!" she exclaimed when Genji suddenly stood up, picking up Lena and putting her on his shoulders.

"Oh, cheers luv. Now lemme see... yep, still playing it." she said as she let herself fall of Genji's shoulders and onto the couch.

"Ugh, what is with zhem and zhat song?"

"Well, we can't hear it unless we actually try to, at least." Genji said.

"Yeah, now come on over here luv! We all've gotta be together." Lena said, giving that grin that nobody could even really say no to.

"Well, if you insist _chérie_." Widow said, putting her beverage down on the counter as she made her way over to the couch.

Lena had already placed herself down on top of Genji, so Amelie squeezed in next to them, pressing her back up against the couch. Looking at the TV, she saw that her partners were watching that show with that child and the colorful space-rock women.

"Why are we watching zis children's show?"

"Oi, it's  _not_ a kid's show!" Lena pouted, sticking her tongue out at Amelie.

"Yeah, it's for all ages." Genji said, taking his mask off to make a similar pouting expression.

Amelie simply smirked, wating a few seconds before planting chaste kisses on their lips at lightning speed.

"Oi! You cheeky bastard!" Lena laughed, playfully slapping Amelie in the face.

"Honestly Lena, we should have seen that coming." Genji laughed.

"Yeah, guess you're right luv. But, I think we should return the favor..." Lena said with a devilish grin that only Dr. Ziegler could out-do.

"*Sigh*, do your worst." Amelie said, only to be met by a kiss on both of her cheeks. Her two partners giggled afterwards, Amelie herself chuckling inside her mouth before all three of them settled back down.

"So, we are even now?"

"Mhm." Lena and Genji both chuckled, the latter putting his mask back on as the three partners huddled up together.

"So, zis  _isn't_ a children's show?" Amelie said, intrigued that an animated series with such vibrant colors could be directed towards an adult audience.

"Well, it kinda is, but you don't have to be kid to enjoy it." Lena said.

"Hm, interesting..."

Suddenly, they heard some muffled yelling coming from outside.

"Hold on, you hear that luv-"

Suddenly, an all-too-familiar tire came crashing through the doorway. All three of them jumped up and yelled in shock, staring at the tire as it rolled infront of them and then, luckily instead of exploding, fell apart.

"Um...."

The three slowly looked up and, to their horror, saw the two Junkers staring straight at them. The three partners would have moved, but it was really too late to cover up the plain truth at this point.

"Uhh, hiya luvs." Lena said, smiling nervously. Amelie said nothing, just staring at the two dirty Australians in shock, and Genji hid a similar expression behind his mask.

"I...I uh...what?" Junkrat said, scratching his head.

"Zis.. zis is  _not_ what it looks like."

"Oh really? I think it's exactly that." Roadhog said.

"So...wait wait  _what_?" Junkrat exclaimed.

Suddenly, and much to Lena and Genji's horror especially, Jesse came walking by and couldn't help but notice what was going on. When he looked into the room, his jaw dropped down, cigarillo falling out of his mouth as his eyes opened as wide as physically possible.

"Oh no." Lena and Genji both mumbled.

"WhhaaaaaaaaaaaaaaAAAAA-" Jesse started screaming before Lena blinked over and put her hand over his mouth.

"Not again..." Genji grumbled into his hands as he and Amelie both got up off the couch, the blue-skinned woman unaware of Lena and Genji's confrontation with McCree all those weeks ago.

"Welp, looks like we're having this talk again, c'mon luv." Lena said, Jesse still screaming into her hand as she and Genji led him into another room.

"Put the door up and then come with us." Genji whispered to Amelie before he went.

"Zis. Zis did  **not** happen." Amelie said, glaring daggers at the two Junkers as she grabbed the door, put it back in place, and grabbed some duct tape to put over the holes in the door. And with that, she hurried into the other room to see what the hell was going on with the cowboy.

The other two had dragged him into the bedroom, Genji was holding him down on the bed while Lena covered his mouth as he screamed and was pointing at all three of them. Amelie knew the best way to handle this.

"Lena, move your hand." she said.

When she did, Jesse yelled out for a moment before Amelie quickly back-hand slapped him, efficiently shutting him up.

"Okay, okay. I'm shuttin' up. But... but  _y'all are_..."

"Yes, we are." Amelie simply said.

"Wait.... ohhh, I know what's going on! She's just a wheel-horse to y'all and that was completely platonic, right?"

"Oh, no we've done it luv."

"Twice, actually." Genji added.

When McCree heard this, legend has it that some sort of [unrelated song](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nsCtjqIjC4E) played in his head while he went into a catatonic state.

The three partners just stared at the expression on his face, which looked something like [this](http://1pun.ch/img/goofysmile.png).

"Um... are you alright luv?" Lena said, waving a hand in front of the mentally broken cowboy's eyes.

 

* * * Meanwhile, in Jesse McCree's brain * * *

 

Jesse had that same goofy look on his face that he did in real life. But, he was in rainbow-colored ocean filled with clocks that all read exactly 12:00 PM, being carried through said ocean by a merman version of Hanzo while dozens of Rastafarian crabs followed them and sung that same damn song.  ~~(Don't ask me cause I don't know what even either)~~

 

* * * Back in Reality * * *

 

"I am pretty sure zat we broke him."

"Hm.... wait, I've got an idea! _B_ _rother, what are you doing walking around in such a revealing swimsuit_?!"

"WHERE???" Jesse said, snapping out of his bizarre mental state. (that means stop playing the song)

"Ta-da!" Genji said, doing a jazz-hands gesture as the two women nodded in approval.

"Wait, now I remember everything....so, not only you two, but now  _you too_??"

"Mhm, pretty much." Genji said.

"So...wait when did this happen? How did this happen? _Why_ did this happen?"

"Look luv, we'd rather not give exacts... but  _not_ very long after you found out about me 'n him."

"..are you  _SERIOUS-_ " he yelled out again, before being slapped by Widowmaker once again.

"Okay, okay. Ya know, I'm actually  _okay_ with this. I mean, at least she's on our side now, right?"

"Hm.... I'll think about it." Amelie said with a shrug.

"Well, alrighty then. I'mma just... gonna go now." he said, rubbing the cold sweat off his forehead as he got up.

"Um, are you alright Jesse? Do I need to call my brother or-"

"Nah, I'll be fine. Just...need to think about stuff."

And with that, the cowboy walked out of the flat and down the hall to... somewhere, probably back to HQ.

And now, the three of them were just standing there bedroom.

"So luvs, since we're in here...what do you two wanna do?~" Lena said, a devilish look in her eyes that only Dr. Ziegler could out-do.

"Sleep." Genji and Amelie said at the same time.

"Wait wut? But-"

"Maybe some other time  _chérie_." Amelie said, her and Genji both already climbing up under the sheets.

" _Fiiine_." Lena said, doing that little pouty face again before climbing into the bed herself, squeezing herself up between the other two.

"Yeah, guess you're right luvs. Tonight's been quite... interesting, to say the least."

"Yeah, for sure." Genji said sleepily.

"Welp, 'night luvs." Tracer said, cuddling up against her two partners and giving them both a peck on the cheek (side of the mask in Genji's case).

" _Bonne nuit._ " Amelie said, pulling a little more blanket up onto her than the other two.

" _O-yasumi_." Genji said, his green lights dimming down and turning a deep blue color.

And so, they all dozed off. A British time-traveler, a blue-skinned French sniper, and a cybernetic ninja. A very unlikely couple, yet it seemed to work out  _just_ right.

 

(And no, is has nothing to do with the fact that they have the three best asses on the team. Well, not mostly, that certainly helps but...yeah)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> How the hell did this go from 609 to 1k hits in just one day? (Seriously though, thanks bunches >:3)  
> Also don't judge the weirdness of this one. It's a shitpost, honestly what did you expect?  
> (And yeah, the usage of song was a reference to MOON MOON in case you were wondering.)


End file.
